Ronald Reagan was famous for his jellybeans. When dignitaries visit President Romney in The Oval Office, he’s sure to offer them a handful of his favorite Mormon Pioneer Trail Mix. The signature blend of nuts, dried fruit, and gold-encrusted foie gras has been such a hit, the White House is releasing a cookbook, Recipes From The Romney’s Table. All recipes use ingredients found in any cupboard or community food pantry, and are adapted for modern, five-job households. Here are a few Executive Branch staples:
Mitt’s Favorite “Job Creator’s Salad”
10-12 years income tax returns
6 large bundles mortgage-backed securities
Chiffonade tax returns and securities.
Retroactively file fresh returns; be careful not to release the distinctive aroma!
Drizzle with palm grease, allowing trickle-down.
Discard and go out to dinner. Undertip.
Ann’s Stepford Waffles
6 c. White flour
2 c. White sugar
12 Egg whites
2 c. Skim milk, soured
2 tsp. Mother Cheney’s brand baking soda
Xanax to taste
Instruct staff to assemble batter. Set aside 10% as tax-deductible tithe.
*When Mitt makes these, he ignores the non-white ingredients