RYAN: I MISRECALLED MOON LANDING, BUDGET DETAILS

Vice President Paul Ryan today conceded that his memory was faulty when he boasted to a radio interviewer that he was the first man to set foot on the surface of the moon. Ryan’s office noted that as a child, the Vice President frequently enjoyed gazing at the moon, and he got a little mixed up in his recollection of events.

This is the second time this week that Ryan admitted to some small cognitive difficulties. On Monday, he confessed that a slip carrying a decimal point in the Ryan Budget is at the heart of the greatest inequality in wealth in the nation’s history.

“With millions subsisting on cat food or worse, it’s a little embarrassing to confess that I really never was that good at math,” Ryan told reporters in a boyish-yet-still-commanding tone.

“After all, my only business experience before coming to Washington was working the grill at McDonalds. It’s kind of ironic to think that same job is probably now held by a senior citizen being paid half as much, due to the repeal of all minimum wage laws,” Ryan said with a chuckle.

Ryan declined to respond to any specific questions about his cognitive or moral fitness to continue his duties. His office did express hope that the pointless media flap surrounding his claim as a pioneering space traveler would distract the nation from some of his more egregious fabrications.

White House fact-checkers confirmed that the first man on the moon was actually Texas Governor Lance Armstrong, who helped establish the Browning-Ferris Industries Lunar Landfill in 1986, along with fellow astronauts Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones, as recounted in the movie Space Cowboys.

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