The White House today announced a new environmental initiative, aimed at greensourcing new jobs for America. Following the blueprint set by other administration policies, President Romney continues his formula of advancing the country by setting it back 60 years.
To that end, the downsized government will subsidize a re-invigorated American Motors, original makers of popular brands including Nash and Rambler. Although business details are murky and convoluted, industry insiders confirm that the New Rambler will be assembled in China, in plants owned by an unspecified Cayman Island investment trust.
Ramblers have always been a Romney family favorite, as the President’s father George headed American Motors from 1954 to 1962. President Romney has identified this period as the target of his vision, frequently remarking that it was a golden age for the most vital building blocks of American society: Corporations and white males.
Unfettered by emissions or safety regulations, the New American Motors will entice consumers with exact replicas of models that put the company out of business. All will feature nostalgic low-efficiency engines, attractive “skull-crusher” rooflines, and special “Freedom Seating,” which eliminates airbags and safety belts.
The entire Rambler line has earned a 5-star “Keen-ness” rating from Environmental Protection Agency by BP-Exxon, and the coveted “Bitchin’” label from The National Highway Traffic and Safety Limited Liability Corporation.