PAUL RYAN RELEASES REGGAE MIX

In an effort to bring in the youth vote, Vice President Paul Ryan is releasing an album of “deep grooves an irie riddims” produced by famed Jamaican producer Lee “Scratch” Perry.

Ryan’s love for reggae, rocksteady, and late-period ska has endeared him to tutones, rudies, and Portland residents nationwide. His Rastafarian leanings came to light in a recent TV interview, during which Ryan revealed that after a hard day privatizing public schools and highways, he liked to relax “wit’ some deep roots reggae an’ a burnin’ chalice.”

Performing as Selector I-Paul, Ryan prereleases a dancehall mix next week, with an extended, dub-inflected B-side. The complete album will follow a week later, available exclusively at Walmart.

Though Ryan’s move is in conflict with President Romney’s musical tastes, the White House has pledged its support, expressing admiration for the consistency of Ryan’s libertarian vision, as well as his unsurpassed record of last-ditch pandering.

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